Breaking News: The USS St. Louis Blues has taken on water after striking an end of season massive iceberg.
Most of the 3rd class fans have been reported to be in good spirits and were helping the other fans in a calm and dignified manner. Their general countenance being one of steadfastness. Conversely the report was not so promising for the 1st class bandwagon fans.
As soon as the great team began listing to starboard 5 degrees, general mayhem broke forth with women and children being trampled and some thrown overboard.
Captain Doug Armstrong thought it prudent to prepare the lifeboats and at 05 hundred hours, ordered the team’s lifeboats uncovered and the fans mustered.
1st Officer Ken Hitchcock began ordering the sports columnists to begin sending distress calls.
We will be keeping you abreast of this flowing story as more details are presented.
UPDATE: 1st Mate T.J. Oshie was hit on the head by a falling anchor while trying to plug the hole in the sinking ship!