Editor’s Note: In an attempt to avoid any potential lawsuits, we’d like to point out that this article is not meant to criticize the Cardinals or their fans, rather, it is making fun of STL media outlets such as STL Today, Fox Sports Midwest or KSDK, who refuse to acknowledge the Blues success if anything related to the Cardinals is going on. We also quote Reddit user /u/belgarion90 in this article.
There was a court hearing held today at the 22nd Circuit Court of St. Louis, the case was entitled “Blues Fans VS local media”, a class action lawsuit in which the plaintiffs – St. Louis Blues fans accused the local media outlets of being incredibly biased towards the Cardinals in their reporting.
Blues fans appointed Brown and Brown (you know, that guy with the pirate eye patch) as their law team. Blues anthem singer Charles Glenn was called to the stand as the first witness. Brown began by asking him how he felt about the Blues. Glenn responded by pulling a microphone out of his pocket and singing ‘the Blues go marching in’.
Brown then said: “Arrrrrgh, I present ye with exhibit A!” Which was a video of local reporters attempting to interview the Cardinals before Spring Training.
Most in the courtroom coiled back in shock at the video, except for the local media, of course. When Judge Kerber, who’s powdered wig was looking fantastic I might add, asked the defense if they had anything to say, the local media responded with: “But, the Cardinals were getting ready to get ready to play!”
Brown then called up surprise witness John Mozeliak, the Cards GM. Mozeliak complained that the St. Louis media was worse than the paparazzi. “It’s ridiculous!” Said Mozeliak, “My wife tried to do the laundry yesterday and there were 25 reporters gathered outside the house trying to figure out if she used powder or liquid soap!”
Darren Pang, who up until this point had been listening quietly, exclaimed “Holy Jumpin’!”
At this a writer from STL Today stood up and cried out: “You can’t hide the truth forever! We’ll find out what type of laundry detergent you use! WE WILL!”
Judge Kerber then slammed his gravel down. “You can bring out the Zamboni!” He yelled. “This court finds the local St. Louis media of being overly biased towards the Cardinals. Good bye! Good night! Game over!”