The Cult of Kershaw


We had a chance to catch up and talk with ESPN baseball writer Jason Stark, and talk about the NLDS.

Toast Dispatch: Hey Jason, what’s your thoughts on the Cardinals VS Dodgers rematch?

Jason Stark: I think Kershaw is going to win game 1.

TD: You’re not a little worried even though the Cardinals beat Kershaw twice in the NLCS last year?

JS: Praise be to Kershaw, he shall preveil!

TD: Sounds like you have some strong opinions about Kershaw, do you think he’s the key to the series?

JS: The Book of Kershaw 3:16 states: “And ESPN so loved The Kershaw that they gave their only begotten writer in order that everyone who believeth on The Kershaw shall have everlasting season tickets.”

TD: The Dodgers have lost 3 of the last 4 Playoff series against the Cardinals, I don’t have much faith in them.

JS: I think if you quickly kneel and say 10 Hail Mattinglys you will be forgiven those blasphemous words.

TD: In such a short series, do you think the Dodgers can solve Michael Wacha?

JS: Once again, the Book of Kershaw 12:9, 10 says: “So down the great dragon was hurled, the original serpent, the one called Michael and Wacha, who is misleading the entire Dodger Nation; he was hurled down to the disabled list, and Waino was hurled down with him.

And then I heard a loud voice on SportsCenter say:
“Now have come to pass the salvation and the power of the Kingdom of Kershaw and the authority of ESPN, because the opponent of our brothers has been hurled down, who opposes them day and night before Kershaw.”

Oh Man, I feel awful.

TD: Why’s that?

JS: You’ve been here this whole time and I never even offered you any kool-aid!

TD: I think you drank all the kool-aid long ago.

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.