Dodgers fans Tears Turned to Drinking Water

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It’s a technology with the potential to ease California’s colossal thirst and insulate millions from the parched whims of Mother Nature, experts say.

But there’s just one problem — “We do not play the St. Louis Cardinals every day.”

As a fourth year of drought continues to drain aquifers and reservoirs, California water managers and environmentalists are urging adoption of a polarizing water recycling policy known as S.O.B., Save Our Blubberers Tears.

Unlike nonpotable reuse — in which treated sewage is used to irrigate crops, parks and Dodger Stadium — S.O.B. has the water sucked directly from the weeping eyes of Dodger Fans so it can be used as drinking water.

It’s a concept that might cause some consumers to wince, but it has been used for a number of years in Dodger Manager, Don Mattingly’s household. “We have always been strong advocates of recycling and this was just the next logical step” Said Mattingly.

About the Author


Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.