Football is not Michael Sams only passion


The Toast Dispatch got a few minutes with Michael Sam today to discuss his future with the Rams organization.

Toast Dispatch  Mr. Sam, I am going to cut right to the heart of this interview.

Michael Sam  That’s fine.

TD  What is plan B if you do not make the team?

MS  I am not really thinking about that right now.  My plan is that when training camp ends, I am still a Ram and doing what I like to do best…play football.

TD  Come on now…I am not throwing you any softballs here…249th picks do not usually make the team.  If you do not make the team, what will you do then?

MS  Ok man, if you really want to know, I do have a plan B; and it has to do with my second greatest passion…but I hesitate to tell you and the world.

TD  Mike, talk to me, you have come this far…let’s clean out the rest of this closet and be done with it.

MS  Ok, here we go.  I, from my earliest childhood memories, have loved to play football; and in doing that it has included many years of seeing the cheerleaders on the sidelines, doing their thing and, well, they look like they are having so much fun…jumping, cheering and always smiling.  Have you ever noticed that?

TD  Well, I guess that’s true.

MS  I have never seen a mad cheerleader…ever…”give me an G, give me an A, give me a Y…what does it spell?”…you know?  They are always so ecstatic…so thrilled…and I just wanted the same thing.

So I asked myself, ‘why not me’…If I can be the first openly gay NFL player, why can’t I be the first openly gay dude cheerleader in the NFL?

I have received so much support from around the world that I am confident that if I am cut by the Rams that that encouragement will carry me right down to Dallas where the Cowboys’ organization will take a serious look at me.  Even the Oprah Network has expressed a certain curiosity about the whole thing.

(FYI:  A former NFL player and executive director of the You Can Play Project, an advocacy group that hopes to eradicate homophobia from sports said, “We are proudly marching forward with our agenda until the day when a little girl can grow up to be Santa Claus, and a little boy can grow up to be an NFL star, or at the very least a handsome Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.”)

TD  Well Mike, good luck with that.  We hope that your dreams are attainable, but I have to be honest with you:  I am not very excited about the possibility of you becoming a cheerleader.

MS  What…Man, I gonna whip your little…

TD  Ok Mike, got to go now…Hey is that Tom Sellek over there?

MS…Where?…(Toast Dispatch exits room)

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.
  • Joe

    Wow. Not only is this bad and offensive, it’s also blatant clickbait.

    • John Pav

      Well, certainly “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”…and from were I am standing…I still laugh when I read this article…(Joe…lighten up …gay people, moral people…they are all fair game…humor is an equal opportunity exploiter)

    • Alfredo

      Seems now that it was also prescient. But yeah, offensive, too… girl Santa Claus, indeed!