Grandpa Toast Sinks the Bismarck

Grumpy-3

I‘m oooooold! And I’m not happy! And I don’t like things now compared to the way they used to be in baseball.  Relief pitchers — phooey! In my day, we didn’t have relief pitchers.  You had 1 pitcher on each team and they pitched every day until their arm would fly off and then they pitched with the other arm until it was worn down to a nub and they liked it!

In my day, no one ever heard of the 60 Day Disabled List. The only guy who was ever on the disabled list was our 2nd baseman, Neville Channing, who was run over by the Battleship SMS Bismarck in the Great War and even then, he only missed the second game of a double header and he Loved it!

Technology! There wasn’t all these advanced SaberMetric stats you see today. We didn’t even have score boards back when I played the game. Each team got one pencil to use for the whole year and we would write the score on our tongues and whenever we were winning, we would stick our tongues out and say Flobble-de-flee, we got the lead and we Loved it!

neanderthal3

Basically we were all a bunch of Cro-Magnon, nubby armed, war torn veterans who sucked on lead pencils until our brains oozed out our ears and we Loved it!

I’m oooooold! And I’m not happy! And I don’t like things now compared to the way they used to be in baseball.

About the Author


Grandpa Toast
Theodore Ulysses Toast, or "Grandpa Toast", as he is affectionately known, is a grouchy old curmudgeon who just isn't happy with the way things are. Often living in the past, Grandpa Toast is always willing to let you know how much better things were back in his day.