A winter heat wave is passing through the city of Los Angeles, with temperatures of nearly 100 degrees, it looks like conditions just might not be ideal for ice hockey.
However, Gary Bettman still has plans to make use of Dodger Stadium. “It seems that having an ice hockey game played outdoors in a west coast city, where temperatures rarely even approach freezing wasn’t the best idea, but we already paid to rent the stadium, so we’ve decided to turn Dodger Stadium into a water park for the time being. The ice we tried to set up for the game kept on melting after about an hour, so basically, we already have the main pool set up, and we are having a lazy river and water slides installed as I speak. To kick things off, I will be going down the slide first, and will drop the ceremonial puck, while wearing my floaties of course.”
Mr. Bettman was disappointed to discover that he did not meet the minimum height requirement to enter his own water park, but he ran in-between the guards legs, and slid down anyway.
UPDATE – Breaking News: Teemu Selänne of the Anaheim Ducks was aparently bitten in the leg by a 10ft tiger shark during the morning skate. Sharks were spotted off the left wing boards earlier today. The referees have called all skaters off the ice and posted “Ice Closed Recent Shark Attack” signs throughout the stadium. Gary Bettman says that “there is no reason to panic and further there is no conclusive evidence that this was a shark attack.” Gary said, “We actually think that it was Dustin Brown who bit Teemu Selänne”
In other news, the latest ice conditions are as follows:
SURF…8 TO 12 FOOT SURF IS EXPECTED ACROSS THE BLUE LINE AND INTO THE NEUTRAL ZONE TODAY.
* IMPACTS…SURF WILL CREATE A HIGH RISK OF STRONG RIP CURRENTS
AND A RISK OF SNEAKER WAVES WHICH ARE CAPABLE OF WASHING
PEOPLE INTO THE PENALTY BOX FROM THEIR LOWER BOWL SEATS.
A HIGH SURF ADVISORY MEANS THAT HIGH SURF WILL AFFECT ICE CONDITIONS IN THE ADVISORY AREA…PRODUCING RIP CURRENTS AND LOCALIZED ICE EROSION.
REMEMBER…IF CAUGHT IN A RIP CURRENT…SWIM PARALLEL TO THE BOARDS UNTIL YOU ARE FREE OF THE POWERFUL CURRENT. ALWAYS SWIM NEAR A REFEREE.