Ken Hitchcock Presents: “The Hawks”


Inspired by another shocking early exit from the Playoffs, Ken Hitchcock has announced he will be spending his time during the offseason following in his grand-father’s (Alfred Hitchcock) footsteps, making his first horror film, “The Hawks”.

“I have fond memories of sitting on Grandpa Hitch’s lap while he was filming his movies.  He would always tell me: ‘Kenny, when life hands you a lemon, you make some lemonade.’   I’ll never forget it, because right after that a bird pooped on him.  At first he looked disgusted then he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye, and said he just got a great idea for his next movie…  And the rest, as they say is history.”

When asked if David Backes would be in the film, Hitchcock predictably responded: “I can’t tell you if Backes will be in the film, he could be filming elsewhere, there are a lot of other film studios in St. Louis.”

Hitchcock’s film will feature many scenes of him screaming at the Blues in the locker room about the importance of taking more low percentage shots from the point, or at the very least hitting their opponents in the shin guards where it really hurts, and of course, many bloody upper body injuries which will no doubt include eyes being pecked out by Blackhawks.

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.