Let Them Eat Cake!


Without warning, a great and unyielding goal famine has struck Blues nation.  Hundreds of thousands of devoted fans are starving for more offense, but the powers that be seem unaware of the suffering their pitiable patrons are going through.

“I’ve been living on one goal a game for the past two weeks, I’m not sure how much longer I can last,” muttered long time season ticket holder, Jon Bastian Brioche, just moments before expiring.

To add insult to injury, Doug Armstrong was quoted as saying, “let them eat cake, or at the very least, five stale pretzels at tonight’s game”

Hopefully Army does not think that we should all be fully satisfied with the Wonder Bread-like product that is currently being served up. History shows that past rulers with blasé attitudes don’t fare well and neither do their fan base.

But of course, if heads were to begin to roll, it will no doubt be Coach Ken Hitchcock’s head that will get a untimely fast zone exit down the aisles of Scottrade Center.

Will the St. Louis Blues brass say bye bye to Ken and usher in the Yeo dynasty? B6Eou5PIQAAG3XgWill tonight’s game serve up a plethora of goals by the bounteous STL line, showering Blues fans with goal after glorious goal, thus ending the scoring drought?

Will I dare start another sentence with the word will and thus ending what little credibility I had as a novice sports writer whose only will was to willingly write witty one liners?

NO!  For unlike the rulers of Bluesdom, here at the ToastDispatch we like to please our reader, not irritate the hell out of him.  (Where is a good plural when you need one?)

So, without warning . . . a great and unyielding famine did strike the land of Blues, but hope springs eternal and soon this too shall pass. Really, when you think about it, who doesn’t like bread?  (Celiac’s Blues Fans, sigh in unison)

IN GAME UPDATE: 1-0 Columbus.  As we enter the 3rd period / 11th hour, Ken Hitchcock has been inserted into a guillotine on the bench and head trainer Ray Barile awaits the command of benevolent leader of Sir Tom Stillman.

FINAL UPDATE:  Blues win 2-1 in OT.  As the crumbs fell from the table the Blues fans were somewhat satisfied with the small morsels of goals they ate up, Hitchcock was removed from the guillotine and the machine of death was put back in storage to wait until a time it’s services would be needed.  But not too far back into storage.

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.