Louie goes to the KHL


The Blues mascot Louie the Bear is reportedly switching to the KHL next season after negotiations between the Blues and Louie fell through.

Louie will be going to the Avangard Omsk after he was unable to reach a deal with Blues GM Doug Armstrong.

“We really tried our best to re-sign Louie, he’s a bear with a lot of gumption.”  Said Armstrong, “Last year he made $12.75 an hour, he and his agent Fredbird felt he was worth closer to $15.50 an hour.  We offered $13.25 an hour for 3 years as a take it or leave it deal, they didn’t take it.”

Last season Louie led NHL mascots by increasing fan excitement by up to 61.9 percent during stoppages in play.

Louie’s departure from St. Louis was less than amicable as he was seen atop the Scottrade Center waving a rather scathing sign, he was escorted away by security shortly later.


In the Russian KHL, Louie will be going by his new name, Boris the Ballistic Missile.  We caught up with Louie and asked him what his thoughts were.  Through the use of emphatic gestures, Louie told us he felt under appreciated and that he was worth more than “that tightwad Army” was willing to pay.  He than began to count down to zero before the missile strapped to his back ignited and he shot off into the sky and presumably towards Russia.

We can only hope the Russian Air Defense does not see this as an act of war.

We asked Armstrong who could replace Louie.  “It’s just a mascot suit.” Armstrong told us, “However, I do know Bruce Affleck has been looking for a new job for the last few weeks.”



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Barney Miklasz
Barney Miklasz is our site Admin, in his spare time, he enjoys criticizing Ken Hitchcock's line combinations, as well as skydiving off the St. Louis Arch.