New Rule in Place for World Series


Major League Baseball is imposing a new rule that will go into effect before the start of game one of the Cardinals VS Red Sox World Series.

According to the New York Times, when a baseball becomes lodged in a Red Sox player’s oddly enormous rakish face fungus / large freakish beard then it is ruled a ground-rule double, provided that the defensive infielder or outfielder raises his hands to signify that the ball has been lost in said freakish beard.

If the player or his fellow teammates search for the ball in Mike Napoli’s beard the play is considered live, and no ground-rule double is ruled.

“It’s funny,” umpire Ted Barrett said. “When they presented it to us at our meetings, nobody even asked, ‘Why?’ ”

Apparently the new directive was crafted from the Wrigley Field, Ivy wall ground rule double regulation.

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Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.