OctaLoss: Episode 1


EPISODE 1: The Vladiator

The Kingdom of Blues lies trembling in the shadow of the great beast known only as OctaLoss.  A fearsome eight headed beast which had diadems on five of its heads, the remaining three were unusually hideous Blackhawk heads. OtcaLoss resided in The Great Forest of the North, and guarded the sacred road to Lord Stanley’s Cup; he would devour unwary travelers on the path who sought to claim the Cup as their own.

‘The Golden One’ had often told the inhabitants of Blues Kingdom about the prophecy, which spoke of the Choosen One, who would pull Gordie Howe’s stick from the great boulder, and slay the beast, OctaLoss, with the it.

Many a gallant knight had tried to free the legendary stick from the rock, but all had failed.  Sir Backes had attempted, but was unable; Prince Oshie had tried, but fell down…  Even the savage Ott had attempted to dislodge the stick with the best witty banter he could muster, but his disparaging remarks fell on deaf ears.

The Golden One sat there, gazing at the stick which was so stubbornly stuck into the rock, when he spoke.

“Is all hope lost?” He asked no one in particular, “Will the chosen one ever arrive?”  Just then, the clouds parted, and a ray of light shone down upon one man, the Russian Squire Vladimir Tarasenko.

The young Squire stepped up to the boulder, spitting on his hands, he quickly deked left and then right before snatching the legendary twig and deftly sliding it out with a one-handed grab.

Tarasenko raised the stick high above his head triumphantly, and the heavens resounded with a chorus of “When the Saints Go Marching In”, in a voice which sounded eerily like Charels Glenn.

“I hearby knight you, Squire Tarasenko,” proclaimed The Golden One, “From henceforth , you shall be known as… The Great Vladiator! … Or just Frank for short.  Now, who wants a beer?” 

And so the great quest begins, as The Vladiator gathers together his band of brothers, and sets off towards the Great Forest of the North, the Land of 10,000 Swamps, to slay OctaLoss.

To be continued.

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.