OctaLoss: Episode 3


Previously: Episode 1.  Episode 2.

EPISODE 3: The Beheadings

The massive OctaLoss pursued Vladiator and his men to the edge of the forest, swatting and jeering, “Allllllen! Allllllen!” as they ran.

Friar Hitch, being significantly slower than the athletic young Knights of Blue, soon fell behind.  One of OctaLoss’s crow heads reached down, plucked him up by his brown hoodie, and flung Hitch high into the air.

“It’s an Emperor Penguin!”, yelled Oshie.

“It’s a blimp!”, cried Steen.

“No you idiots, it’s an incoming Friar Hitch!  Run for your lives!”

With a thunderous head first crash, Hitch hit the ground.  He crawled out of the crater.

“It’s… It’s all so clear to me now.” Hitch said, “Schwartz!  Tarasenko!  Lehtera!  Attack!”

“Backes!  Steen!  Oshie!  Attack!”

“D-Men!  Attack!”

“Reaves!  Get the battering ram!”

The men seemed stunned for a moment, then realized that Hitch had some sense knocked back into him, and immediately charged at the great road beast OctaLoss.

Sir Reaves struck first, slamming OctaLoss into the mountain with his battering ram.

The beast staggered forward and fell to it’s knees.  With OctaLoss’s heads exposed, The Vladiator roared to his men:

“Men of Blues Kingdom, I am Vladimir Tarasenko.  And I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of road losses!”

“Now, let us go, slay this beast OctaLoss, and return to Scottrade Castle in victory!”

The men cheered their approval and readied themselves to give OctaLoss the death blow.  At that moment, Sir Backes interrupted.

“We can’t kill the beast!”

“Why not?”

“Can’t we put him in a rescue shelter?”

“Never!  OctaLoss must be slain!”

And with that, Vladiator drew Gordie Howe’s stick, and leapt towards the beast, in one fell swoop he lopped off all eight heads of OctaLoss.

Minutes removed from the great battle, Rutherford the Scribe approached Friar Hitch in the locker tent.

“Hitch, congratulations on slaying OctaLoss, but have you heard the news?”

“What news?”

“Scottrade Castle is under siege by an army of the Ghosts of Game 5’s Past!”

To be continued…



About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.