Rams Unleash New Stadium Policy on Unsuspecting Fans

 

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Today the Rams unleashed a restrictive new policy, outlining among other things, what fans are, and are not allowed to bring into the stadium.  You can read below the horrific restrictions.

GAMEDAY PARKING

More than 500 parking spaces are available within a 30-minute sprint of the Edward Jones Dome.

BE CLEAR

The NFL strongly encourages fans not to bring any type of bags, but outlined below is what is permissible.  Fans will be able to carry the following items into the stadium plaza.  If fans do not have an approved bag, they will be able to purchase one for a reasonable (READ: absurd) amount of money at the team store.

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FAN CONDUCT

The National Football League, St. Louis Rams and the Edward Jones Dome are committed to creating a safe, comfortable and enjoyable game-day experience. (Which is next to impossible when your team is a perennial loser).  We want fans of all ages to enjoy the excitement and enthusiasm of the game.  With that in mind, feel free to commence belching and farting as soon as you have completed your over indulging pre-game ceremony, or tailgate.  Just before entering the Edward Jones Dome we request that you take one last long puff on your pleasure stick, then exhale onto the first non-smoker you see. (Tip: Identify non-smokers by their happy and healthy looking disposition.)

Booing the Rams and/or the Rams staff is unacceptable.  Fans that are unhappy with the team’s on-field performance will be escorted by security to the nearest exit.  Expressing dissatisfaction with the Rams is not allowed under any circumstances.

About the Author


Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.