Say It Ain’t So Joe! – Shoeless Joe Jackson denied access to HOF



The Vatican released a statement today from Major League Commissioner Rob Manfred, denying a request to revoke the excommunication of Shoeless Joe Jackson. The player banished for the 1919 Black Sox scandal will remain in a place of suffering, inhabited by the souls of sinners. Transliteration: Lifelong Cubs fan or also known as Cubatory.

CNN was able to interview Shoeless Joe Jackson via a medium from a small town in Dubuque County, Iowa. Joe stated: “I had heard Manfred laughed at the scene when Kevin Costner asks his dad to play catch…at that moment, I knew all was lost.”

The MLB hierarchy scoffed at the idea of a player who allegedly played a part in the throwing the 1919 World Series, ever being allowed to enter the Pearly Gates of St. Seligs.

Ironically, Commissioner Rob Manfred was rushed to the a local Chicago hospital today after complaining about severe stomach pains. Apparently suffering from a acute case of Kidney Stones. A representative for the commissioner was confident he would be able to “cast the first stones” before the night was over.

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.