St. Louis Blues Decide Not to Sell the Rangers

newyorktimes

The St. Louis Blues organization has owned the N.Y. Rangers at Madison Square Gardens going as far back as the end of the 20th century, going 7-0-1, having not lost in regulation at MSG since 1998. Yet, that nearly all came to an unhappy ending late last night in an impromptu Blues ownership meeting.

A back and forth debate raged on throughout the game, but as the first period came to a close the Blues were leaning heavily toward selling the Rangers as they were being out-shot 15-4.

Tom Stilllman, President and CEO of the Blues, said, “Early on in our meeting I was insistent that we need to sell Rangers now.” However, the ‘Chairman of the Boards’, Mr. Ryan Reaves, strongly opposed Mr. Stillman, to the point that a fight broke out at 13:04 of the first period.

After the brawl ended and the dust settled, the sale of the Rangers still seemed imminent.  But at 7:18 of the second period a miracle occurred right before a sold out MSG crowd as they witnessed the birth of a newborn star by the name of Vladimir ‘Putin’–the-puck-in-the-back-of-the-net’ Tarasenko.

Myriads of Rangers fans were on their knees in disbelief, hailing the baby Tarasenko as the Second Coming of Brett Hull.

Immediately after the goal was scored, Blues ownership starting chanting “Who’s Your Daddy” en masse; then broke out in the Cha-Cha Slide and starting clapping their hands.

Just as the revelry was reaching a climax, Marty ‘the Party Pooper’ St. Louis came crashing through the gates with two third-period goals, that seemingly sealed the deal to dump the Broadstreet Blue Shirts.

Nevertheless, when it was all said and done, and the final votes were tallied, the St. Louis Blues elected to retain full proprietorship of the N.Y. Rangers at Madison Square Gardens with their stellar 8-0-1 record.

Blues President of Hockey Operations and GM,Doug Armstrong, was quoted as saying, “Owning the Rangers at MSG has become a St. Louis tradition, and will remain one for many years to come.”

He added, “We are toying with the idea to change New York city’s nickname from the ‘Big Apple’, to the ‘Big Vlapple’ or maybe ‘The City That Never Sleeps After The Blues Visit Town’; not sure how that will look on a T-Shirt.”

About the Author


Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.
  • whitestsand

    Haha need to send this to the #1 Rangers fan Cliff..