Tempers Flare Over Team Thanksgiving Buffet

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After the Blues’ practice ended Wednesday, tempers flared as Ken Hitchcock and Head Medical Trainer, Ray Barile had to be separated.

“Apparently, the skirmish was over the annual team Thanksgiving buffet.” Stated David Backes, Captain of the St. Louis Blues.

“We noticed that Hitch had been on edge ever since we left that point on the ice in yesterday’s loss to the Senators,” Oshie added, “when coach looses a tough one, he has a pattern of going head long into the comfort foods, and God save the soul that gets in his way.”

We reached, by phone, Ray Barile, who was recovering at Barnes Jewish Hospital.  “I never saw it coming, I mean, I was heading over to the holiday banquet table and I heard this ear-piercing screech; it sounded like Godzilla being bit in the butt by Mothra!  I spun around, and there’s Hitch charging toward me, yelling, ‘That’s my smorgasbord, yours is over there!’  He was pointing toward the vending machines.”

Blues forward, T.J. Oshie was surprised that it hadn’t happened sooner.

“It’s something that maybe has been building up,” Oshie said. “When your coach goes on a diet two weeks before Thanksgiving, well, you’re just asking for trouble.”

Hitchcock chalked up the scrum to a lack of communication. “It appears that Ray did not get the memo that clearly stated that I will be ending my diet after practice today.”

Always the consummate teacher, never missing an opportunity to teach by example, “That’s competition,” Hitchcock said. “You’re hoping you get to see that kind of energy from your team when you drop the puck.”

The standoff is still ongoing, as coach Hitchcock has taken a strategic position behind the turkey and has not given any ground.

“The Hitch foodie riot has escalated in the past hour and we have, unfortunately, found it necessary to call in the head chef of the National Guard currently deployed  in Clayton,” stated President and CEO of Business Operations, Chris Zimmerman.

IN OTHER NEWS

The St. Louis Blues have announced that Martin Brodeur will be signing with the team. Ken Hitchcock said, while licking the baste off the turkey, “We watched him closely today, for 5 straight hours, and we realized that after 21 years in this league, he can still make a chicken soufflé that is second to none.”

About the Author


Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.