This Bill is Brought to you by Monsanto – Proud Sponsor of Congress


Congress passed a bill (brought to you by AT&T) on Wednesday morning, legalizing the placement of advertisements on the suits of politicians, along with the ability to bid on sponsorship / naming rights for all future bills and acts.

The bill, entitled the “American Corporate Revenue Patriotic Act of 2016”, was immediately put to use by corporations such as Monsanto, State Farm and AT&T, to name just a few.

And the people gazed upon the uniforms of Major League Baseball, and saw that it was clean, and good.  And the people gazed upon the uniforms of the National Hockey League, and saw that they too, were clean and good.   And the people did rejoice.  And the people gazed at the suits of the men of Congress, and the people did shake their heads in distain, and the people did see that the Congressmen were filthy, and riddled with advertisements.

A representative from Nike told us: “We’re already well on our way towards getting advertisements on sports uniforms in the USA, just look at soccer in Europe and around the world, our corporate logos are 10 times the size of the actual team logo.  We figured ‘why stop there?’  Let’s put ads on politicians, we lobby plenty of money their way anyways.”

The first bill to be struck by the new advertising wave, is an act that aims to increase worldwide disaster relief efforts and provide help to third world countries.  This bill will be known as the “$5 Subway Footlong bill”.

White Castle is currently in negotiations for the naming rights to the White House.

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.