It’s About Time


INDIANAPOLIS • Rams Coach Jeff Fisher rents H. G. Wells’ Time Machine and takes Rams fans on an adventure of a lifetime as he transports us all back to the 20th century.

Our story begins as NFL football Coach, Jeff Fisher, has just completed his pre-game interviews with the media when he pauses to make an astonishing announcement to the St. Louis faithful: time is just a fourth-dimension waiting to be walked through as easily as one walks through a doorway.

With a look of great doubt and skepticism we watched as the coach quietly invited us onto his time machine and pulled the lever backward ever so slightly.  The press room grew faint around us, and then, in just a few brief moments we could see the previous ten seasons go hurrying by.

First, there was Sam Bradford getting injured, then Rams’ rookie receivers dropping ball after ball.  Next, Steven Jackson on third and two, gaining one yard; followed by losing season after losing season.

Then, suddenly, time seemed to slow down as we watched Tom Brady lead his team down the field to set up kicker Adam Vinatieri’s game-winning 48 yard field goal as time expired on Super Bowl XXXVI.

Finally, we arrived at our destination; as we settled into our front row seats to the greatest show on turf: the 1999 St. Louis Rams.

Wide receivers were hurtling themselves down field and like Manna from heaven, deep passes were falling from the sky and landing gently, as if onto a baby’s pillow, into the hands of world class sprinters Az-Zahir Hakim, Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce.

Runningback Marshall Faulk danced around defenders with the power and grace of the great prize fighter Mohammad Ali.

Quarterback Kurt Warner led his fearless army down field with the determination and grit of Washington crossing the Delaware, scoring at will, Bombs blasting in mid-air.

It was at this precise moment that time appeared to stand silent as Super Bowl XXXIV came into full view.

Tennessee Titans quarterback Steve McNair drops back into the pocket and throws a bullet to wide receiver Kevin Dyson who catches the ball on the four yard line, and races for the end zone; and as the last second ticked off the clock, linebacker Mike Jones wrenches Dyson down one yard shy of the goal line and the St. Louis Rams are the 1999 Super Bowl XXXIV Champions.

It is there in the midst of all the confetti that our fanciful story came to a conclusion as we ascended back through time to Lucas Oil Stadium, where the clock ticked down, three, two, one; and we all gazed up at the scoreboard in amazement, for it was at that very moment that the St. Louis Rams fans realized: Jeff Fisher did indeed take us on a wonderful journey back in time when we were the greatest show on turf.

– Amen AstroTurf

About the Author

Lumpy Rutherford
Lumpy Rutherford is the head writer for the Toast Dispatch. His favorite topics are St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer Jeremy Rutherford and former Blues goalie Jaroslav Halak.